Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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