Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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