Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
