she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize