I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
