Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
