Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
