So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
