dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
