It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
