So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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