Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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