I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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