Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
