went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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