its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
