it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
