I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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