You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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