he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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