my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
