her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
