You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
