Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
