I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
