but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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