She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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