My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
