wrigley field is MILF paradise
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
