She is in my trunk
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize