At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize