why didn't you poke me back
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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