"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
