who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
