it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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