The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
