yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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