I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
