Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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