I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
