his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
