I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
