Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
