i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
