just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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