No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
