I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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