i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
