He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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