last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
