I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
