paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
