I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
