I didn't shave. On purpose
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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