dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
