She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
