He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
