I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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