I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He uses pillows to masturbate.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
