i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
