All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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