Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
