I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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