im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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