It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
