I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
