I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
