What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Pooping to opera.
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