mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm passing your future prison.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
